Wednesday, October 04, 2006

Crazy

From the time I wake there is a conversation going in my head.
I want to cry, but keep telling myself that God says to buckle up and get a grip.

How many years until death...people we know are dying and they aren't all that old. Can I ever stop the treadmill?

Bob's voice is so hyper. We talk, but not really sometimes...
Beth is so beautiful...how to connect.
Grandsons need time.
Dog needs time.
Bob keeps wanting me to do more.
Here I go again...climbing another hill on the roller coaster. I'm exhausted from worry and trying to cover all the bases. Not doing a good job of anything. Don't want to waste time, but I can't say I ever really accomplish much. In a cloud more than ever. Hanging by a thread on the fabric of life. Not happy go lucky...the clown persona is cracking.

Turn off the noise...calm and soothing...I can feel myself moving to do things but there is a numbness to life. I just want to exist, but life keeps getting in the way.

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