Gently into the Night

We visited my mother who is 86 and living in a care facility in our homestate this last weekend. Took the grandsons up to see her. Most of the time there she didn't seem to know us as she didn't really bond in her usual manner. When I hugged and kissed her good-bye she did not respond as she has before with some comments. It's hard seeing her fading mentally. She looks good physically, eats well and they take good care of her, but I wonder if it is fair to her that she lives that way. Of course, I want her with us as long as we can have her selfishly because I won't want that day to come when we must part. But it's still hard saying goodbye to her mind and the essence of who she was to all of us. I am glad that we've had a chance to show her how much we love her and to understand what aging is like at the end and how much dignity she gives to even that.

Comments

Ali Ambrosio said…

What a touching post. I only had the chance to know my mom's parents, as my dad's passed before I was born. A few years ago my grandfather passed away unexpectedly after an accident, and my mom always remarked that it a strange way she was glad that he'd gone like that: mind still perfectly in tact, body healthy and active. He didn't have to go through what your mother is experiencing now, and I can only imagine how difficult it must be - both for the person who is aging and for his/her younger family members.

My grandmother's husband (my grandparents were divorced in the 70's and both remarried), on the other hand, passed last year after a long battle with Alzheimer's. It's such a scary thing to witness, all logic and control slipping away from a person who was previously so able...

Even if she doesn't show outward signs, I'm sure your mother knows you are all there and is able to feel the love of her family.

4:12 AM

Father's Day 2006

My father Wellesley Alexander was the best father a girl could ever have. He was raised by John and Elizabeth, two parents with stately confidence. John was an artist who started a cemetery monument business with his art ability and Elizabeth did well in the stock market, taking the boys back to their roots in Scotland... trips Dad never forgot. Dad had one brother Ian. I never heard either brother say anything unkind about the other. Dad worked in the family business most of his life. His health declined in his early 70's...heart problems, depression, and many other problems that my mother tried to cope with, using up her health. He spent his last years in three different resthomes. It will always haunt me how sad his last years were on this earth. In his bitterness, he lashed out at my brothers and sister, but never at me...I guess I wasn't there as often, living out of state. He was human and made mistakes. He opened an Edsel dealership which was to be the downfall of his fi...

If friends were flowers, I'd pick you !

Left to right: Matilda Wren, Malissa, Malissa's husband Jeff, Linda, Michael, Mackenzie, Mitchell, Grandma Besse, (family friend) Monica, George Oliver. (Friend Linda used to write reminders on her hand, so the tattoo artist who did her image included a message on her hand...this is so Linda. Linda died due to a tumor or cancer in the brain...we have not been told what happened.) How do I say good-bye to my friend Linda? For 13 yrs. we shared our highs and lows. And in that time her five kids Malissa, Michael, Monica, Mitchell and Mackenzie, her 90 yr. old Hungarian mother Besse , her son in law Jeff and two grandchildren Matilda Wren and George Oliver were family to me. Linda had been divorced since her children had been toddlers. She had raised them all by herself in a Bohemian household filled with love and artistic creativeness. All of her kids had been on Homecoming Courts, all beautiful and each a part of Linda. Malissa had her mothering skills and was nurturing to the grand...

One Moment That Will Last Forever

Daughter Beth is now in her 30's. She was born with brain damage and at the age of two we had her tiny little Jenny Linde bed next to ours to monitor her as she was on meds. for seizures. I leaned over to check her in the morning and returned to my place in bed. To my surprise, she crawled up on our bed and planted a kiss on my cheek. That has never happened since, but I can tell you it has lived in my mind over and over like a long playing movie. Any parent with a child who displays autistic tendencies and lives in their own world knows what I am talking about. Bonding is such an issue. I hug her, stroke her hair, and bond as much as she will allow. I know she loves me, but have learned to accept she cannot physically respond in kind. Our world is blessed to have her, just the way she is, as we have learned to treasure each and every simple thing life has to offer. God Bless the miracles in our lives!

2Homes*2Lives

Search This Blog